So Spring Break 2015 is coming up quick, and you have a girlfriend. Your friends have already told you this is a buzz-kill, but she insisted she tag along on your Spring Break fiesta. Sure, she might have friends going as well, but she is still your girlfriend. This might not be all bad though, right? Here are the Pros and Cons of having a girlfriend join you on Spring Break:
She gets jealous
Nothing worse than when your girlfriend gets drunk and overly jealous. Now imagine this on a beach with a bunch of slutty girls that are hammered and just want to be stuffed by random guys. Your girlfriend will be your worst nightmare, and you better have brought sunglasses so she can’t see your wandering eyes.
You get jealous
Guys are savages on Spring Break. Just look at your friends. Think of how you would be if you were single on Spring Break. Exactly. Guys are going to be hitting on her left and right with no remorse. Doesn’t matter if you’re standing right there. No point in trying to fight them off because there is too many. Not to mention there are going to be guys that look better than you in a bathing suit because you did nothing to prepare for Spring Break besides pound beers all winter. Your girlfriend is going to wonder what it’s like to have that Greek God on top of her, and you will get jealous.
She doesn’t want you getting too drunk
You hear all of these stories about people being drunk 24/7 on Spring Break and how amazing it was. Yup, that won’t be you telling that story in the future. Sure, you will get drunk, but then your girlfriend will want to take naps. She will get angry at you if you get hammered because you know you will hit on anything in a bikini.
You can’t have random sex
This might be the biggest buzz-kill of them all. Spring Break is a time to slay as much strange as possible, and having a girlfriend definitely puts a damper on this goal. Unless you plan on sneaking away for 10 minutes to a corner of the hotel with that broad that was just eye-fu**ing you from across the tiki bar, you’re screwed. Sure, you and your girlfriend will have some sex here and there, but it won’t be much different than back home. It won’t be that 2pm hammered animal sex with a girl you grabbed from the pool that doesn’t even care what your first name is.
Your buddies will seem to have more fun
You will look on at your single buddies in envy. Everything they do will just seem to have a bit more enthusiasm in it, and seem more fun to you. Want to know why? Because they ARE having more fun than you. They have freedom, no limitations, and no nag watching over them throughout the week. They screw up, nobody knows them and they will never see them again. You screw up, you’re fighting with your girlfriend while rubbing aloe on each others sunburns.
You can’t be yourself around friends
Everybody knows you act a bit different around your buddies. Everyone knows the guy your girlfriend sees with your friends isn’t the guy you are with your friends when she’s not around. This means you won’t be shotgunning 3 beers in a row and chest bumping your guy friends while screaming obscenities to women. You have to be on somewhat good behavior, and that sucks.
You don’t meet as many people
Everyone is all pumped to meet you until you introduce the girl standing next to you as your girlfriend. Try it, you literally won’t talk to that person again the rest of Spring Break.
She might want to do couples things
The definition of bringing sand to the beach. Couple’s activities are fun on a Wednesday evening at home. Not while 8,000 hammered people are grinding to a top DJ on a beach in a tropical paradise. Screw swimming with dolphins, I want tequila soaked fun bags in my face!
That threesome with those two girls from LSU?
Ya that won’t happen. At all. Your girlfriend will sniff out you even imagining it in your head, and ruin it.
There will be hotter girls
This is inevitable. No matter how much of a smokeshow your girlfriend is, there are going to be hotter girls on Spring Break. This is just a matter of a numbers game. You have your girlfriend tagging along, and the entire time you will be thinking about how much damage you could do on the female gender if you were single.