We get it, sometimes you just need a drink and you are not in the confines of your house, apartment, or underground dwelling you call a bar. It is the middle of the day, you are sitting outside in the quad enjoying the nice weather, girls in bikinis, and wasting the Thursday afternoon away. You want to get a little buzz on, but you want to move less than the beginning contestants on The Biggest Loser. Drinking in public is the only option, but no way you are going to get caught and potentially arrested. You need a few ways to successfully slam drinks in public, and get that one eye winking vision mid-day. Here are a few great ways to make that happen, with minimal risk:
Dump out that useless soda can and fill it up with some liquid from the Gods. Whether it be beer or a stiff mixy, a soda can is a perfect mask to get your drink on. There is nothing illegal about drinking “soda” in public. So grab an old can of Surge, and fill er up!
No, beer bellies are not in, unless they are filled with booze. That’s right, this little contraption looks just like you have an unfortunate FUPA related beer gut when a shirt is covering it with a shirt. In reality, it works like a camelbak. If you can take looking like a divorced, 45 year old man who gave up on fitness years ago and sits on his sunken in couch all day in his beater, than this device is well worth it, especially for sports games.
Wine rack. This goes right along with the beer belly, but not as gross. For girls, although they should not be, bras are a common fixture. Since we can all agree that bras are worse than an already crushed Pine Cone, there HAD to be a way to make them better. Wallah! Fill them with booze. Working like the beer belly, this inconspicuous way of drinking allows a girl to get boozing in public easily. The only creepy part may be that you end the day a couple cup sizes smaller than you began.
Too lazy to dump out a soda can and refill it? Just stick a beer can right inside a larger soft drink cup with ice on the bottom and put the lid over it. Put the straw through the top of both, and boom, beer city, arrest free.
Needing that buzz in the morning before a useless anthropology class or work at the dining hall? Just toss some booze in with that morning “healthy” smoothie, and you are good to go. No one will suspect a thing unless you start asking too many questions in class, or you are making nachos on the waffle iron.
If all else fails, remember the savior, the flask. Sure, you may look like a grandfather trying to survive his 13 year old granddaughters birthday party by sipping in the corner but flasks are fast, can fit in your pocket, and pack enough punch to get you going throughout the day.